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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A Love Letter to the Person I Don't Love

It's been years since we last talked. That last time wasn't good right? I will never forget that day as I know you won't too.

But, do you still remember those days when we were still happy?

I remember the day my friend Riza introduced me to you. It took a few seconds for me to converse with you, I turned to stone. But when you were no longer around, you should have seen me grin.

Do you remember that time when we first talked outside the school? It was in a jeepney at the San Fernando intersection. You said I always smiled. I wish I said it was because of you. I can't remember the times when I smiled just by looking at you. It would have equaled the times I smiled just thinking of you. I can still remember the feeling.

You were the prettiest girl in school. Do you still remember that time at SM Pamapanga when there were four of us trying to court you? Your friends asked for all kinds of favors to the others, my competitors just to separate you from them. Your friend Popcee took your hand and he then gave you to me. I appreciated your friends for that. They were the kindest bunch. I still wonder why they helped me.

What about the number of times some kids would think bagay na bagay tayo. The funniest one was on the jeep going to UP. I won't be posting what they told us here. But if you still remember, you'll certainly laugh.

Do you remember that time when we went to my high school? You looked for my ex. I was so embarrassed to even show you her face. You just smiled and thought my ex looked sexy from afar.

Do you remember our first Valentine's Day in UP? I gave you a gift and I confessed I had feelings for you. You laughed at how directly I said it. It somehow made more calm. That was one of the scariest moments of my life.

I remember the very first movie we went to. I took your hand and put it into mine. That was our first date, right? And in the middle of the movie, I just couldn't contain my feelings, so I kissed you. You smiled so I assumed you liked it.

You were always angry with at me whenever someone else tried to get your attention. You didn't want other men to court you. For that, I thank you. There was a time that you told me I was really nice and that a lot of people loved me. I asked you if you were one of those people who loved me and you said "Yes." You said were in love with me. I may have jumped a hundred times, I really can't remember. That was one of the my happiest nights. 

Do you recall our swimming party in Arayat? You didn't bring extra clothes. I was asleep by the pool but you were teasing me and kept splashing water at me. So I went where you were and splashed water on you too. We both fell in the pool. I felt so sorry for accidentally getting you out of balance. Everyone thought it was very sweet. I still can't figure out why.

Whenever I had an opportunity, I would kiss you. I wanted to kiss you a million times. I even promised giving you a million love letters. Each day I gave you more than one. I wrote a letter every time I waited for you to go home. Whether it meant waiting for an hour or 6, I didn't mind. I just waited patiently, like a puppy. That was how much I have loved you. I'm pretty sure I was able to kiss you a thousand times. Although I'm pretty sure I it  wasn't close to a hundred thousand. That's toofar from a million. But if I had the opportunity, I would've done it. But it in my heart, I knew the longer we stayed together, little by little, you were falling away from me. I can't recall the happiest time I was with you. Because every time I was with you, I was contented. 

Plain and simple.

I hope you weren't bored of the times I was just hugging or kissing you. I was just savoring every moment we had. Because that every moment  was what made me happy. And it was all that mattered. Even those hours when you weren't with me, I knew I truly loved you. When I was with you, it grew even stronger. I remember everything. Do you remember anything any of these? I guess we already have our own separate lives now, right? Just a few hours ago, a thought of you came across me again. And, right at that moment, when I was riding my bike at my fastest, I felt nothing for you. Yes, I still care. But finally, finally in my life you aren't that big hole in my heart any longer. I can finally say "I don't love you anymore." And I am happy. You might've recovered a lot earlier than I have. I hope you are still okay. I hope you are also happy.

I wish I could bump into you someday and be able to smile. But please don't smile back at me the way you did back then. I just might fall again. I don't want my heart broken by you again. It took me 5 years to get over you.

Please don't hurt me again.